![]() I had granted myself time to consider parenting in a way that felt stable and intentional. Physically, I was grateful to feel my body return to the hormonal balance I was used to. I felt proud that I had made such a difficult choice in a short amount of time. The decision unburdened me, as being in a state of uncertainty was overwhelming. I experienced abrupt relief after ending the pregnancy, a solemn sense of calm following weeks of unexpected turbulence. (By comparison, Estonia offers 80 weeks.) A few states and some individual companies provide these benefits, but the corporate policies are largely available to higher-income workers. The US is the only one of the world’s 41 richest countries to offer no national paid family leave. Unpaid family leave policies contribute to a climate of doubt. The opposite of a climate of confidence is a climate of doubt – an environment that fosters worry and fear. And so we made the hardest decision of my life: to end the pregnancy. After scrutinizing our finances, my husband and I decided that our situation did not embody the climate of confidence we agreed was necessary for us to be parents. The female health bible Our Bodies, Ourselves talks about the importance of fostering a “climate of confidence” around childbirth to ensure a woman is fully respected and comfortable throughout this natural process. But proving a need for this benefit should not be the responsibility of a pregnant woman to fight for in real time, particularly if her pregnancy was unplanned. Perhaps if I had been brave enough to communicate what I wanted, they would have relented. Revealing to them that my decision to stay pregnant partly depended on their willingness to waive the rules felt daunting. Mine hovered at three, mainly due to my physical distress and anxiety about how financially risky the pregnancy seemed.įor days I went back and forth with the idea of sharing my news with HR to see if they could grant an exception to the official policy. “On a scale of one to 10, 10 being let’s have the baby, where are you?” we would ask each other. We would both work a full day, carpool home, and use this transit time to discuss our feelings, since as soon as we got back I went straight to bed. Instead, for two blurry weeks, the first of our marriage, we processed the decision of whether to have a baby. My anger grew as I considered the millions of women in the United States without any paid leave at all. What if a woman was pregnant when she was hired? Perhaps she would decline the job offer, knowing that she could not afford to take time off without being compensated during her leave. It also seemed biased in favor of non-pregnant women and their spouses. The policy discriminated in favor of planned pregnancy, which is not possible for everyone, even if you’re married. ![]() ![]() Due to my employment of just 33 days at the moment I learned of my pregnancy, I was ineligible.Īs well as being stressed and tired, I was angry. I soon learned, however, that in keeping with federal mandates, this was only available to staff who had been employed for one year. Not only did my employer provide health benefits we both relied on, my position paid slightly higher than his and had a six-week paid parental leave policy. ![]() His job was stable, but like 83% of all civilian workers in America, he did not have paid family leave. Once asleep, I could not stay asleep, and this was beginning to wreak havoc on my productivity at work, a job I could not risk losing.Īt the time, my husband was earning less than a living wage at a grocery store. I would come home from work and immediately get into bed, relieved to finally fully surrender to gravity. The fatigue was like the weight of a thousand bricks pressing on me from every possible angle. Being pregnant made me feel powerful and horrible.
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